The Department for Enterprise says it’s come up with new ways to tempt graduates back to the Isle of Man.

Minister Laurence Skelly says the idea came to him after a black and white 60s film marathon over Christmas.

“We need more university leavers to return here and join our plastics industry,” he burbled.

“Fleets of middle-aged women and their daughters will bring socially awkward and aimless former students to our nation, and we’ll remove bus stops from outside churches to make sure they can’t leave again afterwards.”