A backslapping convention organised by the government’s seen 18 people taken to Noble’s Hospital.

Annual bullshit festival IslExpo took place at the Villa Marina this week, giving self-important business people the chance to display how important they are.

But a bout of over-enthusiastic self-congratulatory assaults broke out as delegates predicted yet more success for themselves.

Specialist surgeons are being flown in from the UK to treat those affected until the government can shower enough cash to kickstart its own “medical aviation” industry.