Fairies from Pulrose who gatecrashed a Christmas party have been blamed for damaging one of the government’s £367,570 fairy homes.

The house on Bradda Head in Port Erin, built last year, were ruined by thoughtless mobs of council estate sprites blitzed on cheap cider and weed.

Now, the little folk living inside are demanding to be rehoused by commissioners as people living nearby complain about plummeting property values.

“It’s a disgrace,” said Biddy McPensioner, “Look at the state of them. Bloody fairies coming over here with their wild parties and fake Scouse accents… we should bring back the tiny birch!”