Commonwealth Games athletes are demanding Education Minister Graham Cregeen be sent to the next event, after picking up just one medal.

The team says not having a minister in attendance at the taxpayers’ expense means all the funding given to sportsmen and women has been wasted.

“How can we compete, knowing our favourite vegetable isn’t in the stands?” whinged one.

The government’s expected to announce yet more funding for sport in order to fail more spectacularly when the games are next held in Birmingham.