Senior ministers are preparing to find out whether they can be helped by a new defibrillator outside government offices.

The lifesaving equipment works by zapping hearts with electricity, sparking concerns about the time it would take to find a politician’s heart.

There are also worries from some ministers the machine may deny souls going to Heaven to meet sweet baby Jeebus, although they say it’s about close scrutiny and getting it right rather than anything to do with religion

The paddles can also be used as makeshift weapons by ninjas.