Port St Mary man Matthewfuckmytoe Quilliam has told his girlfriend he’s giving up the latest TT videogame she bought him because “it’s shit”.Quilliam, aged 81, bought the game and console on the day of its release and had his girlfriend, aged 24, install it on his yacht off Laxey.

However, despite repeating “cable”, “floppy”, “download”, “box”, “insert”, and “press button” innuendo, his girlfriend was unable to persuade him from trying to live out his TT hero fantasies.

After recording a three-hour lap tim, the former pillar of the community announced “this game’s shit” – before abandoning the console and posting his disappointment on ManxForums.