The Island’s barrel-making industry has received a multi-million pound boost after Theresa May threatened to visit.

Coopers were wallowing in cash and a sudden rush of orders after the UK Prime Minister said she’d end up in a re-education camp on the Isle of Man if Jeremy Corybn had his way.

Dan Two-Barrels Qualtrough of St Marks says his company’s seen a huge influx of orders from people hopeful of trying them out at Slieu Whallian.

He added: “I don’t know if she will get in a barrel to be rolled down the hill, but if the witch statutes are still on the books I could be raking this in for months yet!”