Commissioners deny Rushen nerve agent plot

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Rushen commissioners have denied any involvement with a nerve agent plot, as countries around the world expel the local authority’s spies.

Usually more concerned with dog fouling and floral borders, the parish board saw its European foreign intelligence service demolished by expulsions across the continent.

In a statement, commissioners said they’ve never funded research into the deadly Novichok nerve agent.

And they say they’re now considering tit for tat expulsions.

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