Religious leaders on the Isle of Man say God probably won’t rain down fire and brimstone in a vengeful wrath if changes are made to abortion laws.

A spokesman for one bunch of gullible fools from South Africa explained believers are reluctant to prophesy punishment after earlier transgressions against The Lord went unnoticed.

“We said we’d all face damnation when the birch was banned, then when homosexuality was legalised, then when Sunday shop opening was approved, then when pub opening hours were liberalised, and again when same-sex marriage was introduced – so we’re reluctant to threaten it again,” he said.

“In truth, abortion laws will probably be updated and the world will spin on without some sort of Manx baby-killing holocaust. Most people probably won”t even notice the law has changed.”