United Nations troops got out their minibus today to begin segregating and disarming both sides in the Lonan and Laxey crisis.

The simmering border dispute which threatens to tear the Garff Imperium apart has prompted appeals for calm from the UN.

But within hours of arriving tempers were already flaring outside the troops’ base, when their minibus blocked a neighbour’s drive.

Specialist mediators were flown in to defuse the situation.